


just this once

by inverbatim



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inverbatim/pseuds/inverbatim
Summary: just a short fic about natsumugi in the library while tsumugi thinks too much and ends up saying too much.





	just this once

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work! kind of. i was kind of venting...? but it turned out okay so i thought i should post it.

"Sometimes, I think my books take care of me better than anyone." Tsumugi chirped, returning one of the recently borrowed - now returned - book to its home on the bookshelf. His finger carefully traced the well-made paintings and letters that gave away the name of the book. It was almost as if he was saying "welcome home" to it.  
  
"What do you meAN?", Natsume blurted out. His voice - and his face, as he looked like he would kill Tsumugi just by saying that - sounded as if he got offended by that phrase, even though he would rather deny that and take that to his own grave than accept he was kind of jealous of how Tsumugi took care of the books. Like he was repaying something. Just the thought of it made Natsume swallow and look away.  
  
"Ah, it's nothing much, really.." He said, still holding the box full of books with one arm as he placed them with care on the shelf. "I just feel safe here. My house is not really somewhere where I can... be comfortable, you know. And the school.."  
  
Tsumugi smiled at him, almost as if he didn't wanted to finish that sentence. He really didn't. He laughed it off, quickly turning his attention to the books; once more, staring at them, tracing his finger down the cover, then stopping. "I feel like they're the ones who'll ever listen to me, and no matter what it is, not judge me. Like they'll always be here for me whenever I need them. Whenever I feel alone or.."  
  
He stopped again, his face no longer resembling happiness. It probably wouldn't be possible to know that a smile was there just a second ago. It wasn't his intention to make Natsume feel bad for treating him like _that_ , or even for leaving him alone most of the time and not being there when he truly needed, but... he couldn't deny that it hurt.  
  
He also couldn't deny that he felt a bit sad for relying on books - _not that it's actually a bad thing_ , he thought. He just didn't like the thought of being so alone he had to rely on books just to keep him busy enough so that he wouldn't get even sadder. He didn't like the thought of being so alone he had to rely on objects. He didn't like the thought of being alone, at all.  
  
"But it's really not your fault, Natsume-kun. I understand that you're busy - everyone's so busy, after all. This isn't a normal school, so I can't just expect you to be there with open arms whenever I feel like it..." He smiled again, looking at Natsume with those sad, kind eyes. "That would actually be rude of my part, wouldn't it? Since I'm your senior."  
  
Natsume didn't answer. He also didn't look at Tsumugi's face. He didn't like crying in front of him - in front of him, of all people. Tsumugi, who was always there for him, and he still wouldn't express his emotions properly. Was it shame? Disgust? Guilt? Tsumugi couldn't really tell, since his head liked toying with him. It would be better if he didn't try to guess. He held the box closer, looking at the bookshelf again, and sighing.  
  
He really had a lot to say - about how horrible he felt for saying something like that in front of Natsume, about how horrible he felt for making Natsume feel guilty about something he had no control at all, and most of all, about how guilty he felt for not being what Natsume needed at the moment. He didn't needed a weak, incomprehensible who's-sad-all-the-time senior. If only he could change his own destiny... but the doomed are always doomed, aren't they? He would try finding comfort in his own doom, then. He just hoped he wouldn't push Natsume away, too.

 

Tsumugi put another book on the shelf, finishing that section, and looked at Natsume again. He was awfully quiet; his hands placed behind his back and his eyes carefully averting Tsumugi's. Tsumugi placed the box on top of one of the tables, freeing his other arm, and walked over to Natsume, hugging him. It felt comfortable; he smelled of old books and vanilla soap. He placed one of his hands on Natsume's head, holding it close to his chest, while his other one held him there. 

"Just this once. You can hit me as much as you want later, but just this once." Tsumugi whispered, his voice sounding a lot calmer than before. "It's repayment, since you're always taking care of me." His left hand, once on Natsume's head, was now cupping his cheek; his thumb gently carressing it. He smiled at Natsume - warm, kind, just like always. It made Natsume's eyes gleam and just for a second, he let himself go, resting his face against Tsumugi's hand. His eyes now looked back at Tsumugi's, who also smiled. He always liked how Tsumugi smiled with his eyes first, then with his mouth. It made him look pure - something both of them knew he wasn't. But the thought of it was nice.  
  
"Thank you, Natsume-kun. I also wish to be able to deliver you never-ending happiness, just like you." He said, giving Natsume small kisses on the forehead. He could see Natsume's cheeks slowly getting flushed - a cute sight, which he usually wasn't allowed to watch for very long. But just this once, right?  
  
Just this once.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
